Secrecy

Secret addiction is the death of many! 

I feel sorry for anyone who lives any part of their life is secret. The reason I 
feel sorry for them are because I know what it's like. It's not only the actions
 that remain a secret but also the shame that can't be shared and when there
 is secret shame then there is no allowance for others to speak words of truth
 and healing. This quickly becomes a downward spiral that seems too deep to
 even make any positive effort worth the energy. It quickly becomes a very
 dark and very lonely place.  


Secrecy often acts as the green light of justification. I often fool myself by
 thinking if a harmful act only effects me personally and nobody knows about
 it then it is ok or at least better than hurting many others and so I justify the
 results. This is very disastrous thinking and the  fact is that it holds no truth.
 Even if I am solely harming myself, which is almost never the case, I will be
 less available to those around me who need my very best. My wife, my
 children, my friends and those whom I mentor will be receiving a damaged
 relationship before it ever starts. 


Secret addictions come in many forms and I'll let you fill in your own blank as
 to what yours are. Don't bother lying to yourself either. You'll only be fooling
 yourself and darkening the already darkened areas of your life. 

The things that I've done to help me in these areas are to accept grace, apply
 truth, seek accountability and press on.  


Accept Grace

I have accepted grace found only in Jesus Christ. 
The first place to start to get out of our secrecy and darkness is to accept that
 there is something wrong and realize that there is something that offers us a
 fresh start. The one to make that offer is our Creator God through the life, 
death and resurrection of His son, Jesus. Jesus says that, "My grace (divine 
forgiveness) is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness." 
As we accept our weakness and share our shame only then can we accept that 
we need the grace of the only Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. With this fresh 
start then we can live in newness of life. 


Romans 5:1-2 "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God."
John 3:19-21¹⁹ This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. ²⁰ Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. ²¹ But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”  


Apply Truth

In newness of life, I have applied truth 
where lies used to prevail. 

Grace is a great thing but if we try to live our fresh start with old lies we will
 soon be re-trapped into our old life and fall back into old patterns. We need
 to train our minds to think differently and we need to create new habits in 
place of our old. Many things in life will require changing and it will be hard 
work but we trust in the words of Jesus that tell us in John 10:10 that, 
"Christ came that we may have life and have it to the full." We need to apply 
truth to our lives. 

2 Corinthians 5:17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
John 3:19-21¹⁹ This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. ²⁰ Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. ²¹ But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”

Seek Accountability 

<sup>I have found accountability from peers and from mentors around me.
Once I apply truth to my life I then need to make sure that I don't fall back 
into my old patterns of life and bad habits. This is why it is so important to 
have people around us that care for our greatest needs. 

I have made a conscience effort to have good people around me that will 
help me get where I want to go. Not only have I intentionally made fruitful 
relationships who share common goals but I have also made the bold 
decisions to be very open and honest with them. Just having good people 
around us doesn't make us accountable but only when people know my goals 
and care enough to ask me if I'm getting there does true accountability 
happen. 

I can honestly say there are people around me that know the most shameful 
and horrible things that are in my life. I have a group of peers that I meet 
with and connect with on a consistent basis where we talk very openly about 
our lives in all areas. I also have a male mentor who is about 30 years older 
than I am who knows literally everything in my life. I have accountability 
friends who ask me how I've spent my money, which websites I've visited, if 
I'm angry at anybody in life, how I'm doing as a father, if my sex life is 
healthy, when the last time I've been on a date with my wife and many more 
areas. 

And then there is my wife. She knows all my joys and struggles. She is my 
encourager and my supporter. She knows every website that I visit and 
where I spend my time. Our openness with one another has been a challenge 
but we've come a long way and continue to work on our marriage in terms of 
openness and honesty with one another on a continuing basis. She is my 
great love! 

I have many around me that hold me accountable to the life that I strive to 
live.

Jame 5:16 says, "</sup>Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."


Press On

Once I have people around me that hold me accountable to my new way of life then I need to press on. 

It's not like life is anywhere close to perfect. I screw up all the time but when I
 do I retrace these steps. I accept God's grace in my life. I replace the lie with
 the truth. Then I tell someone around me, who I can trust, that I've messed 
up and then finally I press on. I don't wallow in my guilt. I don't sulk to 
myself. I pick myself up and dust myself off and I keep living and when I'm not 
good at this then it's the people around me that care for me that help me do 
this and help speak truth into my life and remind me of the grace of God. 

^{Philippians 3:12-1412 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.}
2 Corinthians 10:3-6For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

I have found life and life to the fullest! 

I don't live in secret any longer and neither do you have to. 

If you live in secret addiction my advice is to find help! 

If you keep living in secret then sorry, but I feel sorry for you. 

Here's a song that has helped me understand the seduction of more than lust, but all secret addictions!